At Sanctuary, we help couples in conflict
I once told my husband that, if things were bad between us and he contemplated leaving (which so far as I know, he has never done), I’d actually be scared.
It’s true. That would be one of the most frightening things I can think of.
But the truth is, many people live with that fear everyday.
This is number three in our blog series that discusses our new motto, We help grieving individuals, distressed teens and couples in conflict find peace, solutions and connection.
This blog is going to talk about how we, at Sanctuary Christian Counseling, help Couples in Conflict.
The reality it, no couple gets into conflict without both parties participating. And, very few couples experience distress because they choose it, though of course, some do. Many feel it’s their partner’s fault entirely, and sometimes it can be mostly one person’s fault. Often couples simply ignore their way into a distant marriage, and eventually find themselves living as roommates, sometimes even without benefits.
Relationships are tough.
It takes extraordinary compassion, grace, compromise, love, kindness, affection, sympathy … so many things … to make a good marriage.
It’s not surprising some relationships struggle. We are all flawed humans, and sometimes two flawed humans just can’t make their relationship work without a helping hand and expert advice.
We are the helping hand and expert advice.
Our therapists have years of experience in treating couples in conflict, and we use the latest and most effective techniques, including Gottman Method Couples therapy and Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (check these out online – gottman.com and iceeft.com). We do the reading, go to the workshops, learn the skills so that we can help our couples achieve the best connection they can. We are all about peace, solutions and connection between couples.
Because it’s scary not to feel connected and loved by your partner.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help. We are here to help.
Here are some other ideas that might help foster more connection in your relationship:
Renew your mental picture (Gottman’s love map) of your partner. Get to know them all over again. No matter how long you’ve been together, there are always new and deeper things to know. We use the Gottman app, CARD DECK to ask questions in session, sometimes, and it’s available (at this writing, it was free, too) wherever you get apps. Download it and understand your partner in new and fresh ways!
In the same vein, be available and open to sharing with your partner more deeply. Let them see your heart a bit. Think about what’s important to you and share that with them. You may be surprised at how much you still have in common, or you may be able to find new interests both of you can share.
Pay attention. When your partner speaks, look at them and listen. Don’t short your time together. Turn towards them both metaphorically and in reality and let them see that they are your priority. If they aren’t, be honest and work on that – what can you each do to make each other a bigger priority?
Play. Have a date. Go away for an evening, a weekend, a week, or more. Focus on fun for a change. Don’t get stuck in the same old same old … dinner and a movie is fun, but not all the time. Revisit the things you did when you were dating – go back in time and have a new/old kind of date. Marriage is fun. Make sure you and your partner remember that.
Protect your partner’s boundaries with others and your kids. Don’t tell their secrets, or, even worse, make fun of the things they share with you. Back them with the kids, even if you disagree. Talk to them in private rather than disputing parenting decisions in front of children. Take their side in your extended family and try to keep the peace. Always protect your partner and your relationship.
Create something together – a meal, a craft, a deck. Talk as you do it. This increases feel-good hormones in your brains, and helps you feel closer.
Don’t talk about your partner in a negative way outside of your marriage. Just don’t. No good comes of that. If you have something to say, tell them. If you can’t or things get bad, get help. This is the kind of thing someone like the therapists at Sanctuary Christian Counseling can help with.
Still having conflict? Not connecting? We would love to talk with both of you. Give us a call.
We help grieving individuals, distressed teens and couples in conflict find peace, solutions and connection.
Sanctuary Christian Counseling LLC
9974 Molly Pitcher Highway, Suite 4
Shippensburg, PA 17257